It is disturbing to hear enablers blame the victims and survivors of abuse.
This dynamic reflects the outcomes of hegemony, a term that is new to me at this writing. In this phase of my life I am learning a lot of new terms for dynamics I have experienced for the many years of my life. I am very grateful for the work that has been put into naming and socializing these terms that are new to me.
I am making my way through a YouTube playlist on the subject of hegemony, but I definitely understand what it is experientially. As a Black woman in this global system I have lived the effects of it in many ways. It is also not lost on me that if one just adds an ‘e’ it points to money, the literal currency of power, that and information of course.
Here is a definition of hegemony:
I chose this definition of hegemony because it gets at the normalization of the dynamics, hence where the enablers come in. (I went back and forth about editing out the buxom woman from the image. I embrace that this woman of color doesn’t look like a traditional svelte model, but the look of a common woman.)
This blog entry was inspired by watching “Ghislaine Maxwell: Filthy Rich on Netflix”. I have seen the one on Epstein as well. For me, the story of Maxwell depicts the ultimate enabler who was living out their own abuse. This blog entry is also inspired by the enablers I have run across in my journey of life and the flying monkeys I have encountered when facing narcissists and people with narcissistic habits. (See Dr. Ramani’s YouTube channel for as much as you want to know about this subject. I have learned the majority of what I know about the subject over the years from her and my own experiences.)
I am not going to address the ins and outs of the Maxwell case especially since I am not a lawyer, but I will address the role of enablers in hegemony and some of its expressions in our society.
Abuses of power have no legs without enablers. Enablers seem activated and maintained by the self-interest they express in blaming the victim. Some enablers are not directly victimized by abusers, but many are, even if not the actual abuser for which their actions provide cover. Often, they may have somehow escaped the direct experience, but keep enabling by word or deed. They also rarely see the damage that has been done to them and expressed in society by the ideas they promote like: “golddiggers”, “they never left”, and blaming of the survivors choices and the absolute silenc(ing) of men who survive this abuse. Many enablers seem to have no empathy for the distance of those choices to someone actively being groomed and assaulted. They also seem to ignorant or blind to the compromises they make to their core values, because hegemony requires it of all of us.
One of the common dynamics that stood out in this "Filthy Rich..." doc on Netflix was the absolute worship of Maxwell’s father (a seeming megalomaniac) by her. The doc makers also drew the connection between that and her willingness to play a similar role with Epstein. I often notice that people who are abused as children, whether we know it are not, are acting out the dynamics of that abuse on others. Hurt people do hurt people.
One of the enablers of hegemony is also an unwillingness or inability to buck the status quo. So many of us have been conditioned to be nice versus kind. A distinction I learned from Vital Germaine.
“Going along to get along” is the worst thing we can do. I am not one of those who vilify the Queen of England because of her place in a hundreds year old tradition of hegemony. I don’t hate the player as much as I hate the game. I also give her credit for the ways in which she has attempted to buck the status quo of the very powerful “Firm”.
No one seems to understand the challenge it can be to face down very powerful people. The recourse is the courts, but even if one has the backing of policy to leverage (which is rare), the go to tactic of legally exhausting the less powerful person or group, mostly through outspending them defeats justice.
From the Daughters of the Confederacy, who were mostly responsible for funding and promoting Lost Cause propaganda and putting up the confederate statues/memorials (see the timeline of their appearance), to the suffragettes who compromised on the voting rights of Black men and forced Black women into a second class position in the movement – white women have been monsters too.
If you think it was hard for these women to come against Epstein and Maxwell, Black women of all cultures are daunted in seeking justice all the more.
I hope to help everyone I encounter to regain and value our humanity, as well as the humanity of others. As I have always said since I started having a public platform in this phase of life, use what power we have for the good of all of us as well as ourselves - #UseYourPowerForGood.
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